Day Sixteen

I'm so sorry to all of you out there that have been looking for an updated post for the past six days and have found nothing. I guess it's sort of like when I turn the channel to FSN to watch a Rangers game and find bowling or poker instead.....not quite the same thing. Sorry about that!

So I have an update on my friend who just recently found a mass in her lung. It is lung cancer! I can't really say that I'm surprised anymore after all she's been through. Nothing really surprises me now. It's sad and tragic, but the one thing I can say is that if anyone can fight through this, it's her. She always has a smile on her face and has such a positive outlook on life. It makes me feel like a crappy person when I complain about traffic or weather! Friend......keep fighting and don't lose that smile on your face. We're all here for you and we love you dearly.

Okay, so now on the smoking front. I'm sorry to say that I've had several bad days since I posted last. I'm not saying that I ran off the deep end and started smoking a pack a day. But I haven't exactly been faithful to the "quit schedule" seen in the first post. For those of you who know me well, you know that it's totally unlike me to go against any schedule, but I've managed to do just that.

I think I've finally realized that I cannot do this by myself. I thought I could. I wanted to be that person that could just quit without any help from nicotine replacement or smoking cessation drugs. But you know what.....it's not about being that person anymore. I'm going to go ahead and say it right now......"I need assistance"! And guess what.....I'm not ashamed of that. It's not about being proud anymore. It's about getting my body back and being able to have control over my life. I'm tired of being controlled by an addiction. And if taking something during the course of quitting is going to help me, then that's what I'm going to do.

I've scheduled an appointment with my doctor for next Tuesday to discuss the best course of action. In the meantime, I am seriously trying to stick with my "quit schedule", but it's so hard to do on my own. And for those of you who think I'm weak for not being able to quit on my own....I say "BOO HISS" and "BITE ME". Stop reading the blog and let me do this my way. I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing by reaching out to my doctor, and if you don't like it, then take a hike! =) Wow...I feel better already.

So there it is.....my personal struggle laid out in all its glory. Kind of pathetic, I know. But those of you who have struggled with any type of addiction know exactly where I'm coming from. So bring on the support!

Here's to being smart enough to get help when it's needed.

God Bless,
The Quitter.